For You
by Smex Lemur
Summary: Gaara visits his father's memorial. OneShot. GaaLee.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor do I own the song**.

**Warning: Implied GaaLee xD nothing extreme though, very mild.**

**For You**

The sun could barely be seen as she was setting, the sky was coloured red and orange and there wasn't even so much as a breeze on this summer evening. The streets were quiet, only a couple of people were still out, and there were barely any sounds heard. It was hard to believe that this was actually a very large village, harbouring many people. Including Sabaku no Gaara, Kazekage of the Hidden Village of Sand.

He stood upon the Hill overlooking the entire village- it was a marvellous sight. However, he did not came to watch the sun setting or relax, or whatever someone would do on a normal Sunday. No, today it had been exactly five years since his father, the former Kazekage, had been murdered during the Chuunin exam. And he was visiting his father's and mother's memorial.

Not that you could say he had been sad about the whole ordeal- he knew that his parents had never truly loved him. His father had seen him as a mere weapon for the Village and his mother… well, he hadn't known her, but he knew that somehow she blamed him for her death. While he couldn't even help it.

Still, he wanted to be here. Temari and Kankuro had visited earlier, but he didn't want them to be there when he talked to them. He felt rather stupid- talking to a dead person. What was the point? It wasn't as if they could talk back, nor could they change anything that had happened in the past. But still, Lee had told Gaara it was a good idea. Not that Lee usually was right, but somehow it made sense to Gaara. He had to talk… what was the word again? Closure? And something about getting bold earlier if he didn't voice his feelings.

_To my mother, to my father,  
It's your son or it's your daughter_

"Hey," he said. Alright, it was official that this was the worst idea he had ever had. What should he say? 'Hey' wasn't going to be enough- he knew that much. "I-it's Gaara. I know that you probably don't want me here," he quickly added. And it was true- they probably didn't. "But you're still my parents and I guess I'm obligated too."

_Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me?  
Should I turn this up for you?_

"I guess I want to talk to you about… things. But I don't even know if you'll listen to me or if you'd understand. It's not like you have ever known the pain of always being alone and being abandoned by your own father," he continued. The thought 'I'm-Being-Stupid-And-It's-All-Lee's-Fault' kept crossing his mind as he spoke his words slowly. He had to pick them out carefully at the beginning, but as he continued, he felt that the words just came to him and that they were out of his mouth before he even realised what he was about to say. Does that make sense? Hm, well, if you've ever had it, I'm sure you understand what it feels like.

_I sit locked inside my head,  
Remembering everything you've said,  
This silence gets us nowhere,  
Gets us nowhere way too fast_

"When I was a kid, we never talked. You always were either too busy or you were spending time with Temari and Kankuro," Gaara started again. He felt the air around him growing colder and the sky was turning darker now- the moon could be easily seen. Gaara wasn't about to stop talking though- strangely enough, it was actually relieving to say those things out loud. He had never done it before. "All those things you bought for me, I thought you somehow expressed your love to me through them. But I guess you never did love me, did you? You were never there for me, when I needed you.

"When all those people looked at me with hating eyes, as if it was all my fault, I remember thinking '_At least father loves me_', but I guess that was just an illusion. I was never loved, not then."

_The silence is what kills me  
I need someone here to help me_

"But I now have someone who loves me and… I think I love him too," he continued again, after a couple of minutes pausing. It was dark now and almost every house in the Village was now lighted. He didn't pay attention to his surroundings anymore, so when a boy dressed in green came to stand behind him, he didn't know it. The boy remained silent though, as he didn't want to disturb him.

"He's a bit weird and his haircut is terrible, but that's okay. He wouldn't be him if he were to act or dress any differently than he does now. I think I love him, I don't know it," he sighed, rubbing his temples as he did so. "I still don't know what love is- is it the feeling I have when I'm with him? Or when I think about him? Is it the fact that I want him near me wherever I go? I have no idea."

_But you don't know how to listen  
And let me make my decisions_

"The only one who was ever there for me, who was the only one who even listened to me, was Yashamaru. I always thought of him more as a father than an uncle… but just like the thought of you loving me, this was only an illusion. He hated me for 'killing' Mother," Gaara gave a bitter smile at the memory of Yashamary lying there, soaked in blood. It had been over a decade, but the memory was there as if it had happened only yesterday.

"Do you think you would've listened to me if I had ever told you any of these things?" Gaara wondered out loud. Of course, he didn't expect an answer- the only sound that could be heard was the sound of the wind softly blowing. It had grown even colder now, but the young Kazekage didn't care. He wasn't done yet.

_'Cause I sit here locked  
inside my head remembering everything you've said  
The silence gets us nowhere,  
Gets us nowhere to fast_

"I've always wanted to talk to you Father. I was always scared to, when I was little, and as I grew older… I began to understand that you didn't want me around. That you wanted me dead," he stopped there and swallowed hard, fighting back the tears that were welling up. He didn't want to cry- why would he? It wasn't as if he had loved his father. Right?

_All your insults and your curses make  
me feel like I'm not a person  
And I feel like I am nothing,_

_But you made me, _

_so do something_

"Was I only a weapon to you? Only a monster?" Gaara spoke again after a couple of minutes silence. The boy behind him waited patiently for the other to be done and started to fiddle with his Jounin-vest in order to kill off some time. He had never been a patient one.

"When you ignored me, every time I tried to speak to you or spend some time with you… I always felt as if I was nothing. As if I really was a monster," he swallowed hard again, still not noticing the boy standing behind him. "How could you?" His voice started to rise. At first, it had been his calm, deep and quiet voice. But now, anger started welling up inside of him and his voice became harder, it was almost screaming. Gaara felt Shukaku stirring restlessly inside of him, but he didn't really care about it- he simply ignored it.

"How could you do it to me? To your own fucking son? How could you do it to my _Mother_? Sacrificing her like that as if she was some kind of animal!" He felt two strong hands resting on his shoulders, they felt familiar.

_'Cause I'm fucked up because you are  
Need attention, attention you couldn't give_

"How could you!" He felt disappointed when the two hands disappeared from his shoulders, but that disappointment was soon gone as two arms wrapped themselves around his waist and were pulling him against a chest. "I-I killed all those people, innocent people, because you made me believe that nobody loved me, that I was only a weapon!" Tears were now flowing freely and he found that it became hard to speak. However, he wanted to say just one more thing, before he would turn around and bury his face into his lover's chest.

"I hate you," he whispered softly to the memorial.

_I sit here locked inside my head  
Remembering everything you've said  
This silence get us nowhere!  
Gets us nowhere way to fast_

That was all it took for Gaara to finally break down and cry freely. The arms around him tightened their grip and he felt himself being pulled even closer than he was before. Soft kisses were planted on top of his head and the two of them stayed like that for another fifteen minutes, before Lee broke the silence.

"Feel better?" Gaara seemed to think about it for a moment, before turning to face him.

"Yeah…"

With that, the pair of them left, holding each other's hands as they went. For a moment, Gaara thought he thought he saw his Father standing in the distance, waving and smiling at him. And he smiled back.

--

**A/N: Yeah.. angsty? O.o I guess XD This came to me when I was working and I heard this song on my MP3-player… yeah, I don't know I ever came up with the idea of Gaara talking like this, but… I thought if kind of fitted. **

**Anyway, the song is by Staind and it's called 'For You'. Hope you liked it and leave a review while you're at it! n.n **


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